Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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