Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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