so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
