Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
