last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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