Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
