I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
