I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
