I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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