Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
