HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
