census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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