It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
