i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
