did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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