Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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