I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
