I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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