not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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