i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize