first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
