I haven't been this sober since birth.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
