at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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