Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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