This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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