dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
