The maid of honor just puked.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
