I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
