yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize