i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize