If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
