i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I understand Curling. That high.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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