i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
