I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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