Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
