i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My dick has a subreddit
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
