I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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