Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
