dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
