there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What a dumb baby whore.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
