Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
