he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
