its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
