remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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