I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
