You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
