I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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