So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
