Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
