I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
