3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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