Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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