I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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