with your own penis?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
