last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
