Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize