I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
