Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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