I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
