so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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