dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
