why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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