Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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