Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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