After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
