Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
