If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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